Ok, so I was reading through the first chapter but the exercises are more geared towards the waning to dark to new moon. I'd like to start tonight. We are right at the new moon so I have some catching up to do. A part of the excercise is to think about our fears associated with the dark. It made me think about my physical fears of the dark and to be honest, in this stage of my life, I have a more pressing fear in my life that I needed to reflect on.
My life is in a transition right now. Though much of the transistion is complete, I feel another huge one coming up. I thought maybe it was a fear, but it's not, it's a knowing. I see the path ahead of me and I am anxious to take hold of it, I would rather already be there :) But it's that first step that I fear. I have been wanting to do this for some time, but now I'm seeing things line up into place where I know this is inevitable. I know it, I feel it with every part of my being. Things WILL change and it will happen soon, I know this, but whether or not I choose the path before me is a different story. I want it so bad, but there is a fear that holds me back and that fear is failure. Since my family depends on my paycheck for a roof over their heads and food in their stomaches, I feel like taking the path I feel is right for me, is also unknown is risky. In my mind looking for another 9-5 per sey seems safe, however I recently had an experience that showed me that not even that "safe zone" is safe and I could loose it all in just a day. So a huge part of me is saying, " why not?" try it. Nothing is in stone and jobs lay off ect all the time, even the biggest of companies.
When I dug a little deeper, I realized that the fear is stemmed from lack of faith and trust in my Divine to provide what we need. I can't afford to fail and I am being shown that I will succeed, but yet there is that fear that I will fail. I'm beginning to realize how comfortable I have actually become in this comfort zone, but I'm not happy in it. I feel like I'm sacrificing my spirituality for it. Because of what I know will come soon, it's almost like God is telling me to put my money were my mouth is. It's easy to tell people that the universe always provides, but it's hard to completely trust. This isn't just a change in jobs, it's a career move. I have been encouraged to start earlier this year, but now I am really feeling pushed, I feel time is running out and feeling like I must prepare what will be coming.
The reality is, I have a choice to make. I can stay in the comfort zone and not be to comfortable because it will still be a huge change, like starting all over again, or I can embrace the path before me that I was seen. I want what was shown.
It's kind of good I'm being forced into this situation because without that push, I may be stuck on this path the rest of my life. It's not what I want. I know this, God knows this and the entire universe knows this. They know our needs and wouldn't have given me this choice if I wasn't going to succeed at it knowing the financial consequences of failure. In the core of my being, I know this as well.
In the darkness of the night, I feel the shadows circle around me but I am protected and safe. They cannot harm me. They cannot touch me for that protection is all around me. As in spirit, so in life.
Though I still hold lingering fears, My God, I trust you. I will not fail because you walk with me and you have blessed my path.
My life is in a transition right now. Though much of the transistion is complete, I feel another huge one coming up. I thought maybe it was a fear, but it's not, it's a knowing. I see the path ahead of me and I am anxious to take hold of it, I would rather already be there :) But it's that first step that I fear. I have been wanting to do this for some time, but now I'm seeing things line up into place where I know this is inevitable. I know it, I feel it with every part of my being. Things WILL change and it will happen soon, I know this, but whether or not I choose the path before me is a different story. I want it so bad, but there is a fear that holds me back and that fear is failure. Since my family depends on my paycheck for a roof over their heads and food in their stomaches, I feel like taking the path I feel is right for me, is also unknown is risky. In my mind looking for another 9-5 per sey seems safe, however I recently had an experience that showed me that not even that "safe zone" is safe and I could loose it all in just a day. So a huge part of me is saying, " why not?" try it. Nothing is in stone and jobs lay off ect all the time, even the biggest of companies.
When I dug a little deeper, I realized that the fear is stemmed from lack of faith and trust in my Divine to provide what we need. I can't afford to fail and I am being shown that I will succeed, but yet there is that fear that I will fail. I'm beginning to realize how comfortable I have actually become in this comfort zone, but I'm not happy in it. I feel like I'm sacrificing my spirituality for it. Because of what I know will come soon, it's almost like God is telling me to put my money were my mouth is. It's easy to tell people that the universe always provides, but it's hard to completely trust. This isn't just a change in jobs, it's a career move. I have been encouraged to start earlier this year, but now I am really feeling pushed, I feel time is running out and feeling like I must prepare what will be coming.
The reality is, I have a choice to make. I can stay in the comfort zone and not be to comfortable because it will still be a huge change, like starting all over again, or I can embrace the path before me that I was seen. I want what was shown.
It's kind of good I'm being forced into this situation because without that push, I may be stuck on this path the rest of my life. It's not what I want. I know this, God knows this and the entire universe knows this. They know our needs and wouldn't have given me this choice if I wasn't going to succeed at it knowing the financial consequences of failure. In the core of my being, I know this as well.
In the darkness of the night, I feel the shadows circle around me but I am protected and safe. They cannot harm me. They cannot touch me for that protection is all around me. As in spirit, so in life.
Though I still hold lingering fears, My God, I trust you. I will not fail because you walk with me and you have blessed my path.
